To read part one click- My Sugar Addiction, Part Two Sugar Addiction & Self-Punishment, Part Three Could This be part of the Answer, Part Four A Seed of Transformation, Part Five Back to Haunt Me
In February of 2007, I read the “12 Steps Program” for Alcoholics and a shiver ran through me. I am addicted to sugar. Sugar is a drug. I needed to surrender. I needed to feel what I had to feel.
Easier said than done. But all this information that I was opening myself up to led me to healing myself day after day – albeit it’s been a long journey.
In August of 2007 I read an article by Dr. Mercola titled Is Sugar More Addictive than Cocaine? Its findings reported that an astonishing 94% of rats who were allowed to choose between sugar water and cocaine, chose sugar.
I was relieved to know that I wasn’t crazy. This was a powerful addiction that I was trying to control and I was fighting against reward signals that were firing in my brain.
I started to connect the dots. I started to notice that when I started eating sugar I couldn’t stop. I started to notice that I would have to eat more sugar to reach that state of euphoria and peace I was looking for. I started to notice that I may have been high from the sugar, but peace was nowhere to be found – only more feelings of weakness and self-hatred and how could I be so stupid, and why can’t I control this?
When I was in my mid 30’s (yes, hard to believe this was still an issue) I remember that my kids (preschooler ages) and I were making gingerbread houses and they weren’t putting the smarties in a colour pattern that I deemed was pleasing to the eye and I was getting frustrated by this (who’s the child?). In moments like this I would need to calm myself down. I would go to the pantry and eat whatever I saw to calm me down and numb the pain. And I would keep eating until the emotion I was trying to eliminate became one of anger at myself for losing control. Eventually, I broke down this habit into parts and came up with a plan. I started to really connect that when I felt a certain way I would respond a certain way. Over the course of time and with intention, I would go into the pantry and just put my hand on the item and breathe. It wasn’t about denying myself food; it was about learning to deal with the situation at hand. Food will not fix anything but hunger. Sometimes, I would relapse and give in and feel as if I became a child and not want to resist temptation. I want what I want and I want it now! I deserve this. It seems crazy how easy it is to fall back sometimes, but it’s never all the way back to the beginning, so I keep reminding myself of that.
Empowerment not Punishment
I had let food, or shall I say – the addiction to empty carbs – take my power away. It crippled me. It consumed me. It seemed that it was the only thing that comforted me. I turned to food for everything – boredom, frustration, happiness, etc. I would eat when no one could see me. Eat isn’t even the right word. I would shove food in my face. More! More! Just numb the pain. Who was I kidding? It was self-punishment. I was in denial to feel what I was feeling. I was still closed off and not ready for the next step. I never felt good after a binge. In fact, I always felt worse.
The question is this: Why was I punishing myself? I decided to change my focus. Instead of focusing on why I was punishing myself, I decided to start to empower myself. I educated myself about nutrients, cells and the power of balancing my body, mind and spirit. I read every book I could find on disease prevention, the brain and nutrition. I realized that I could pour as much energy into sabotaging myself as I could at re-inventing myself. I decided to choose the latter.
So now my suitcase was wide open and I was ready and willing to deal with the contents.
Stay tuned for next Tuesday– Can you Relate?
Tanya Morrison has been in the Health/Wellness and Fitness Field for over two decades and has coached and trained many clients during this time. She is a certified Personal Trainer, Precision Nutrition Coach, Pilates/Aerobics/Yoga Instructor and more. She is the creator of the Busy Mama Reboot 28 day program, 10 Day Body Reset Detox, 30 Days to a New You, Holistic Weight Management System and many more on-line programs. To find out more about these life changing programs check out the testimonials and information at www.moveyourbody.ca
Tanya has created FREE Healthy Living Challenges that you can sign up for HERE, because even though we know all this “healthy stuff” it’s good to be reminded to keep it in our awareness. Tanya created the Busy Mama Healthy Mama Facebook page so that like-minded mama’s could get great healthy information and recipes in a fun and light-hearted way.
Tanya also teaches many different classes at Move Your Body Studio in Bobcaygeon, www.moveyourbody.ca and has written Healthy Snacks for Kids, Get the Skinny on Skinny Jeans & Living Vibrantly with Raw Goodness – Your Guide to Juicing & Blending, the 21 Laws of Irrefutable Fat Loss, How to Get Rid of Cellulite and more. Her blog, www.tanyamorrison.ca has lots of great articles to help you navigate your way to the healthy life you want, tons of recipes and great tips!
Tanya presents High Performance Nutrition for Kids and Teens, How to Become an Efficient Fat Burner, hosts Raw Smoothie Parties and many more presentations. Please contact her to set up your presentation.
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 Mercola, Dr. Joseph. “Is Sugar More Addictive Than Cocaine?” mercola.com.
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2007/08/23/is-sugar-more-addictive-than-cocaine.aspx (accessed August 23, 2007).