For decades I have had eating issues. Where once I would eat to stuff down my emotions and not really be conscious as to what I was doing, I am now conscious but can still have trouble stopping myself.
In my teens I controlled my intake of food and was bulimic. I open up in my blog post, Cookie Dough in the Dark, which you can read here. I was searching for stability and for more love than I was getting, but I didn’t know that on a conscious level at the time. Now in my 40’s, I don’t starve myself or toss my cookies, but I do still binge eat and lose myself in food. I really wish I didn’t because I know it’s not healthy, but I have this tugging deep within me. In the past year I have been studying the Chakras more deeply. I thought that to be more evolved in this life I was to work on my higher chakras, but as I’ve learned, it’s the lower chakras that I need to heal, specifically my Root Chakra which when unbalanced can result in eating disorders.
I grew up with very loving parents but for whatever reason I craved more emotional love than they gave me. Your root chakra grounds you to whatever brings you stability in your life. I had enough food, water and shelter but I lacked emotional grounding, safety and security. I know that I was affected horribly by my parent’s divorce. I felt alone, unsafe, unloved and I believe now that this affected many of my behaviours with myself and my friends as I didn’t trust anyone because I thought they would leave me. May sound irrational but that’s how I interpreted what was going on in my life & frankly that’s what matters. I don’t wallow in self-pity but I am conscious enough now to link how I was feeling to my actions. I used food for comfort, albeit, a false comfort. I used it to feel safe, to feel secure because I felt I wasn’t enough for anyone around me. I overate to compensate for what was missing in my life. I ate because I was angry and I didn’t know how else to deal with it. I insulated myself with extra fat to protect myself from those around me.
Sometimes you can explain something rationally but your deeply ingrained habits can take over. I know that my greatest desire is to be healthy and to live a long healthy life, but when I’m triggered by something (and I’m becoming more and more aware of what it is) that can fly out the window and copious amounts of sugar become my friend again.
Sure I can exercise willpower and not have sugar in my house, but it doesn’t work…it’s always somewhere! This is where the deeper work comes in. I really have to get honest about what I am feeling and find out what my triggers are so that I can work on healing myself. I have to work through the pain that I have pushed so deeply down within myself. It’s not easy but I’m doing it slowly and surely.
So, the first chakra is about rooting myself – it’s about feeling safe. So I need to trust in my journey. I need to let go of the fear that I am not enough. I need to know that I am loved by me and that I am a unique human being and that I matter. I need to believe this from me. To help ground myself I practice grounding poses such as knee to chest pose (Pavanamuktasana), head to knee pose (Janu Sirsansana), Lotus flexion (Padmasana), squatting pose (Malasana) and Tree Pose. I also go into nature and notice my connection to the beautiful earth that I live on. And teaching Core Conditioning also helps as I infuse many of the teachings from all of the Chakras into the class (and this benefits us all).
I also realize that the second chakra is constantly seeking pleasure and that I need to keep my ego in check. The lure of habit can overcome me, trap me and cause me to overindulge as I lose my awareness of the present moment and instead try to recreate a past pleasure. Just by being aware of this I can begin to become conscious and know that I can change this pattern (albeit with some patience and work).
When I first started studying the chakras, I did not see any connection to my life and the issues that I had/have. But with more education, more digging, more time, it was like a flower growing in my garden – it began to bloom- and with each stage I began to see more. A flower doesn’t just show up one day. It lays its roots beneath the earth and with enough love (water, air, sun), it begins to flourish, slowly but surely, into a magnificent flower. In this fast paced world we live in, we often want immediate results, we want to be told to eat this or do this exercise and all will be well. But it never works long term. I know it takes time. And as much as I wish the self-sabotage could be nipped in the bud, I am granting myself time to open up and let go as I grow in this world.
During the 12 weeks of the Busy Mama Detox, I know you will discover many wonderful things about yourself that will root and grow. Without force, you will learn what makes you tick and why you are ready to let go & move forward. You will have more energy and better health because you will take the time to listen to yourself and to trust yourself.
I look forward to you becoming part of the Busy Mama Detox adventure starting September 6th. It’s another wonderful step in your journey towards having an abundance of energy, a clear mind, an ageless beauty, a smaller waistline and the best health ever!!!! Click here, to see weekly what you will learn in the Busy Mama Detox.
Join the 12 weeks of support, motivation and guidance for $127. Check out www.busymamadetox.com or email me to register.
Tanya Morrison has been in the Health/Wellness and Fitness Field for over two decades. She is the creator of the Busy Mama Detox which is a 12 week program that runs in January, April and September of each year. To find out more about this life changing program check out the testimonials and information at www.busymamadetox.com. Tanya also teaches many different classes at Move Your Body Studio in Bobcaygeon, www.moveyourbody.ca and has written Healthy Snacks for Kids, Get the Skinny on Skinny Jeans & Living Vibrantly with Raw Goodness – Your Guide to Juicing & Blending. You can get your PDF copy here