Mar 072017

Part 13– Cookie Dough in the Dark – Feeling Helpless

To read Part One click- My Sugar Addiction, Part Two Sugar Addiction & Self-Punishment, Part Three Could This be part of the Answer, Part Four A Seed of Transformation, Part Five Back to Haunt Me , Part Six Addiction Uncovered, Part Seven Can You Relate?, Part Eight Mild, Moderate or Severe?, Part Nine You are What you Believe, Part Ten Stop The Excuses, Part Eleven The Gum Ball Pattern, Part Twelve I so wanted this to be TRUE

Nothing will help.

Why bother changing anything?

Even my doctor said it won’t matter.

Feeling Helpless.

There is hope….

Continue reading »

Dec 232016

cookie-dough-cover-pagePart Two – Cookie Dough in the Dark

To read part one click- My Sugar Addiction


For some strange reason, I learned that when I was throwing up, the acid from the bile rots your teeth and can rot the lining of your throat and apparently that was enough to make me stop. So I did. There may have been a few times after this, say a 6-month period, that I would indulge in this behavior, but it was very few and far between. It has definitely not had a place in my life in the last 25 plus years. I knew I had to learn to deal with what I put in my mouth and not jeopardize my health. Continue reading »

Dec 132016

cookie-dough-cover-pageChapter ONE of Cookie Dough in the Dark:

A Personal Trainer’s Addiction to Sugar


My Teenage Years


I think we’re all like suitcases.


We each have a different exterior – maybe we’re sleek and shiny, or maybe we’ve been on several long and difficult journeys and look a little worn and dented. But you can’t tell what’s inside the suitcase just by judging its outside. For me, my suitcase hid a lot of garbage – shame, anger, disappointment, discouragement, and disgust. But you would never know by looking at the exterior.


Reflecting back, my earliest memory of trying to lose weight was taking fiber pills so that I would stop eating excessively. But as I recall I don’t think I ate any less, I just obsessed about my weight even more. I didn’t have one ounce of knowledge about how to lose weight effectively. Throw in being about 13 years old, with raging hormones, and all the teenage questions for which I had with no answers. Where could I turn when my parents were lost in their own world of a bad marriage? Continue reading »

Apr 102016

Releasing My Sugar Shame

Once upon a time I would go and buy 4 Snickers bars and eat them all at once and then I would work out on the treadmill to try and get rid of the disgust and calories that I had for myself.

Other times when my husband and children would leave the house and I would start baking cookies. I would eat the batter, then eat all of the cookies while making banana bread and then eat that too. Then I would hop on the treadmill and again run off my shame, my disgust and the calories that I had just consumed. Continue reading »